Alone
by Goldie1
Summary: What happens to a killer that no longer wants to kill?
1. Killing

Alone

Disclaimer- I don't own H.R. Giger's wonderful creation, and I unfortunately don't own Fox. 

A/N- Hello and welcome to my very first fanfic! I've been tossing this idea around for a pretty long while, occasionally writing things down. Hopefully it doesn't suck too much…even if it does, my self-confidence is already dead and buried along with some Dodo remains. So flames can do nothing to me! I am INVINCIBLE! HA! Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

Italics indicate thoughts (mindspeech to the Aliens).

WARNING: Violence in this chapter. Swearing and more violence will become prevalent in later chappies. Also, in later chapters, Alien x human romance. There will be a good warning when that happens, so you can read to your heart's content now.

===

I will never forget my first human kill.

I hid above them, in the shadows, inside their own craft! Sisters were nestled with me, alert and tensed as we heard the sounds of movement.

I searched with my echo vision, pinging high pitched sounds to see, and saw my first images of humans.

They looked so weak, then. I almost laughed. Their skin seemed so soft, so delicate, that the very air could rend it. My carapace was a hundred times more protective than their hides.

Noises…they made such strange sounds. Communication I assumed, like when we talk through the Queen, the Mother. But with their voices? I found myself wondering how they could serve their own Queen from any distance. Sound did not travel well for communication. Mindspeech did.

Did humans even have mindspeech? I cocked my head, and…yes…there was something…

_Fear, panic, fear Aliens here, will I get home, oh please God, don't let any of us die I want to live I want to go home I want to live! I remember _/flash of a young one emerging from a host, for some reason this creature was more feared by that than the warriors/ _I can't end up like that, not here, not here…Swerita, you better get your ass over there, can't panic, troops need me, oh God I'm gonna die…fear, panic, fear—_

I pulled away, disgusted. They almost were afraid so greatly that they wouldn't carry out their duty to their Queen? I felt a surge of hormones…anger. They didn't deserve to live if they didn't serve their Hive. We killed those too weak, too injured, to serve. Those who did nothing were nothing.

My thoughts were interrupted, as I felt a sudden wave of heat, warmth.

The humans had entered.

Every instinct in my body urged me to attack that flesh, that warm, soft flesh. But I held fast to the ceiling. My siblings didn't even stir. They waited, patient because they would not, could not, do anything if the Queen did not order it.

I strained my mind, trying desperately to wish the order into existence. I felt Mother's amusement at my anticipation.

The order then came clear.

_Attack, children of the Hive!  
_I fell with twenty of my kin, screeching madness, and then came a glorious, glorious scent. It filled me with primitive pleasure. It came from the humans, and it primed me, excited me like no other.__

Fear. The Humans' fear was able to be smelled.

My siblings bayed for blood, and slashed with claw and tail, tearing sweet flesh with steel jaws, roaring, deafening in their frenzy, but it was a pleasurable madness. For a moment, I was confused by the noise and the high hormonal frequency.

But then the warmth of one human spread.

Blood. I lusted for it. 

Lunging wildly at a human, I bit its neck with my inner mouth. It let out a loud, piercing noise, and flailed helplessly. My inner mouth had gone through to the other side of the neck. The human no longer moved. 

Blood. I had not tasted fresh, warm blood such as this since I was a youngling. It glorified me, thrilled me, and filled me with a horrible, evil bliss. It was wrong, wrong to kill this thing, this life.

But it felt so _wonderful_.

I was surprised to see myself ripping at the carcass, devouring the hot entrails of the life I killed. I pulled away suddenly, no longer filled with the ecstasy that mangling the human body had given me. I felt…horrified. Sickened.

I ended a life. A life like mine, like Mother's.

I had killed.

I…

Instinct returned when a sharp pain hit my shoulder. Glancing quickly to the origin of my sudden discomfort, I saw a lone human, holding some sort of metallic rod that fired smaller spheres at high speeds. At speeds high enough to cut through even my carapace.

With a cry of pain and anger, I threw myself at the meat. I launched my tail forward, into its leg. It screamed, and I removed my tail.

It was wet with blood.

I did not finish that one. One of my sisters lunged into it and ripped off its face skin with her inner mouth. 

_My children, you kill well, but we need live ones for the next generation, _Mother's voice ordered. _Bring some Humans back to the Hive alive._

My sister stopped consuming the flesh of the downed human, and to my great surprise, it seemed as though it still lived. It screamed, of course, the seemingly natural human reaction to pain, but its heart still pounded.

I found a collection of smaller humans in an area and alerted my siblings of my find. The small humans screeched and vainly beat at our carapaces as we carried them away in strong arms.

I felt a strange thing as I watched my sisters swoop down and grab the screaming human children, a hole in my stomach, yet there was nothing there. I wanted to release these humans.

Duty to Mother…duty to the Hive…

I stepped back from my feelings and grabbed a human, ignoring all mindspeech from it.

Meat.

Nothing but meat.

The one I carried was female. It had done hardly anything but glare at me. A few drops of salt water spilled from its eyes, but it did not struggle madly nor screech so loudly it blinded some echo vision, like the others did.

_I wonder if these are human younglings? _I asked a sister. She snorted approval.

_Good. Young meat is always the most fresh. It is good meat. Our younglings will feast well._

_Yes,_ I replied. A part of me screamed in horror at this small female human exploding with the force of a youngling's birth. The rest of me attempted to stamp that out.

_I wonder if Mother will be so kind as to let us devour some of this meat ourselves, _the sister continued. Her mouth watered. _I had not tasted human flesh this battle. Have you?_

I hesitated, remembering the way the human writhed and cried out in pain.

_I tasted human flesh, sister. I gorged upon a carcass._

She smiled at me. _Ah, I envy you. Human is the greatest of all meat. And one day we will eat human every sunrise, for they will relent and become nothing but food and hosts! _

_Yes, sister._ I stared at the human girl in my arms. I had, like Mother told my siblings to, injected her with toxins using the tip of my tail, rendering her asleep. Her arms had reflexively wrapped around my neck.

_One day, when there is enough death, the humans will relent._


	2. Serving

Alone

Disclaimer- *Monotone* H.R. Giger's Alien is not mine, and neither is Fox. I will buy things from Fox. I will worship the ground Sigourney Weaver walks on. I will build a shrine to James Cameron.

A/N-O_o

I got…good reviews? *Squeals!* Wow! Gosh, thank you guys! (I sound like a valley girl…*plays some AvP2 to recover weirdness*) I'm glad you like it!

Okay, new chappie 2! Flows MUCH better with chapter three…good, very good. ^_^

With those familiar to my story (you cannot believe how surprised I am, my English teacher really dragged me down), only the last portion is different. It gets more into the "Alien's" experience in my version of the Hive. I'm glad my take on Xenomorphs is being accepted. I never like the "dur, I am a robot that only obeys the Queen" take on them very appealing.

I forgot the warning. ^_^;;

WARNING-Nothing really bad in this chapter. It will deserve its rating soon…MWAHAHAHA!! 

==

I am not like the others. I never was. And I never will be.

I was born like them. I remember my Birth. There is no Alien that can forget the first time they tasted fresh meat.

We kill every moment of our lives. We kill to be born, we kill to live, and at the end of our lives we kill ourselves. My people are killers. Even me.

Why? I do not know. I don't think I'll ever know. And that day when I could no longer be a part of the world of violence, I still killed. I killed something else.

I killed Mother inside.

==

A steady, pulsing beat…it lulled me to sleep, peaceful and steady…

Where was I?

I panicked, moving. Something far larger than me moved as well, and a sound tore at my tiny sensitive ears. I wanted to get out, but I couldn't move. I was dying!

And something…something that filled me with such horror was inside of me, begging to get free.

Unsure of what to do, I slithered about my warm cavity in bewilderment. A burst of panic served to flood through me, as well as a pain.

I twisted suddenly, and something snapped. I no longer felt the fear or the confusion.

I was hungry.

I tore small iron teeth into flesh, ripping off chunks of meat. The noise sounded again, but it did not hurt. It felt so right, as though it should happen. I would be free! I would taste air, fleshes from thousands of bodies, and meet the great voice that beckoned me and told me of these things.

The steady beat had become odd and fast, a rhythmic pulse to speed my feeding. It no longer lulled me to sleep.

  
It called me to violence.

After what seemed an eternity of fresh, hot meat, the warmth stopped. It simply ended. I complained loudly, upset that my food was gone.

The beat had ended, but in its place there was something vast, powerful…it called me more sharply than the food had.

_Little daughter_, it said softly. Something touched me, and I felt new warmth. It was colder than my birthplace, but so nice…very nice.

I wanted to _see_ this voice. So I clicked to it. I felt the voice was impressed, and this encouraged me to keep clicking.

A picture formed: humid, dark walls, hung bodies of flesh, more squirming, wriggling bodies, and something _huge._

My Mother. My Queen.

_Mother_, I whispered to her. Her warmth surrounded me, her beat was steady and wonderful, and I knew, at that moment, I was happier than any feeling food could give me.

==

My growth was slower than that of my sisters. They shed their old skin in hours, pink flesh becoming smooth black chitin. My maturity took longer, and I couldn't help but be disappointed that I was different.

Mother didn't like things that were different.

Still, Mother held me that entire day in her inner arms, careful with her claws, close to her chest, where I could hear her heart beat and her eternal purr. I asked her many things, that first day.

_Why am I here?_

_I birthed you, Little One._

_Then you are my Mother._

_Yes, Little One,_ she said. _I am your Mother._

_What will I do?_ I asked. She knew. Of course she knew, because then, when I was small and she had been my entire universe, she thought she knew everything.

She never saw the future that would come for me. Never.

_You will serve me, as your sisters do. You will gather hosts and kill food. You will protect your sisters and the eggs, the sisters that will be. You will kill for me._

_And then what?_ I questioned, eager to here more about what the older version of myself would do.

_And then you will die,_ Mother said simply. _You will be too old to continue to benefit the Hive. You will kill yourself, as I say._

There was a silence. Already, hours into being born, I knew I did not want to die.

_Why must I do what you say?_

Mother stopped purring. It seemed as though the world had gone still.

It frightened me, the lack of sound and the fear that coursed in my frail body, held so utterly exposed in Mother's arms. There was such a lack of sound, I was certain that even my sisters had paused.

_I am your Queen,_ she said finally in a cold tone. _Everything I say you must do._

But why, I wanted to ask. Why?

Wisely, I decided not to. I kept that question strictly to myself and accepted Mother's care. Her purr began again, and she stroked my weak pink skin, as though she was pleased, despite her answer.

_You are my Queen. You are my Mother,_ I said, hoping to delight her again.

_Yes, Little One. I am your Queen. I am your Mother._

===

I grew, slowly but surely. When my sisters were about a day old, I emerged into my own black chitin, into the world of serving Mother. I then went on my first excursion to the outside.

_Hosts are easy,_ a sister told me. _Even for you, they would be easy to get. Some of them struggle._

_Some of them fight,_ another sister piped up. 

_Yes,_ the first sister agreed, _some fight. That is why you use your tail, when Mother says._

_It makes them stop moving,_ I said, glad to know _something about gathering hosts. I had asked Mother about my new body. But she did not answer when I asked her why I was smaller than the other sisters. It did not seem to matter much; my sisters treated me like a sister. But now filled with the knowledge that perhaps I would be hurt by one of these hosts, I wished I was bigger, like them._

_Yes. It makes them stop moving, _they agreed. We hurried down the humid, dark tunnel, eager to get out of the Hive, eager to serve our Queen. We were forced to stop, however, at the Hive exit. There were two Great Ones there.

Mother chose some to become new Queens; ones that would no longer serve her and lay their own eggs. The Great Ones frightened me, I suppose, a little. They were large, smaller than Mother but much larger than I was. My other sisters did not seem to mind. They passed through to the dark Outside with ease.

My progress was impeded.

The Great One stood in front of me, head tilted in a gesture of confusion. She extended her inner mouth.

_You smell of the Hive,_ she admitted, _but you smell different._

The other Praetorian approached, tasted my pheromones and gave a click of curiosity.

_Yes. The Drone sister does not smell like us._

Something about the way the Great Ones gathered around me made me nervous. I backed into the Hive, slightly, and raised my tail half a claw length from the ground. I lowered my head, inner mouth tucked away in submission.

_I am of the same Mother as you, Great Sister,_ I assured them. _I am of the same._

The Great One paused, considering either tearing me open or letting me through. Finally she sighed, tasted my pheromones once more, and moved aside.

_You are of the Hive, _the Praetorian said, but I could feel the lingering doubt in her mind.

It made me nervous.

I caught up with my sisters easily. They were waiting, high above the ground, in the things Mother called trees. I joined them and let loose a few sonar pings to follow their echo gaze.

There. In the open field, were possible hosts.

They were strange; walking on four legs, not two. They had course hair on their bodies, and short, wet snouts. They made noise, but not echo sounds. Strange sounds, sounds as far as I could tell served no practical purpose. Perhaps they were singing to the ground, for food.

_Is it a good host, Little Sister?_ The first sister asked me. It felt strange, having all sisters turn towards me and wait on my words. I thought of how to respond.

_Mother told me that good hosts have good blood,_ I replied. _So we must see the blood of the host, without making it leave._

They all agreed, as though I repeated an order from Mother.

_Mother told us to ask you,_ a sister said, _She__ said you knew much. Almost as much as her._

Mother said that? I felt a rush of pride. Mother told them to rely on me like a Great One!

_I will do it,_ a sister said, after Mother granted her approval. We watched as she clambered down, leapt and landed next to them without making a sound, a rippling shadow, black against black.

There was a noise; the creature had made it. The others looked up from the ground, but after a short time they relaxed again and continued eating. The wounded one searched around warily

The sister joined us. She held out a claw, the scent of blood making us all open our jaws in pleasure.

_The blood was good,_ the sister said with a grin of pleasure. _Very good._ I think we should take some of these.__

The gathering was quick. We slinked though the tall grass, using tails to immobilize the hosts, one by one. Not one sister was wounded.

The problem was that the creatures were large. I had to ask Mother for some Praetorians to help carry them back to the Hive, but all were taken in little time.

The Great Sister still regarded me with a wary trust, but even she could not be somber at the event of hosts to the Hive. Mother was very pleased with me.

_These are some good hosts,_ she said. _They make younglings strong, and on four feet._

_Like the host,_ I observed.

_Yes. The younglings take after the host._

That made me think. I asked, _So__ if those hosts will make younglings that are somewhat the same, then what host did I come from?_

Mother grinned. _A good host, Little One._ Possibly the greatest host in the entire Outside.__

I tilted my head, curious. _When will I see one?_

_Soon, Little Daughter.__ Soon._


	3. Rebellion

Alone

Disclaimer-If I had a million Aliens…well I don't. (;_;) Alien is Giger's and Fox's.

A/N-I'm glad the new and improved chapter 2 was liked, and my email addy has been added to my profile (I don't know why it wasn't there in the first place, quite honestly. Must've checked the box in my new account glee). If there's any suggestions for improvements, things you don't understand, whatever, don't hesitate to drop me a line. Here's your new chapter, peoples! Enjoy.  

WARNING: Violence and blood. Yup. Not into it, don't read.

==

I had hunted for hosts many times after that, and my sisters cherished me for my knowledge. The Great Ones even respected me.

But after I had gathered what Mother called the perfect host, the host I came from, the humans, I was assaulted by strange hormonal patterns. I could recognize some of them: nervous, fear, pain; but there were new ones. I wanted to ask Mother about them.

I crawled into her chamber, carrying my host. I handed it to a worker, like Mother told my sisters to, and watched as it traveled down the tunnels to the egg room. It would use the resin that secreted from the tubes we all possessed—save for the Great Ones—to plaster the human on the Hive wall. Mother's eggs would then become alive, and implant the younglings without difficulty.

_Mother,_ I greeted. She looked at me and grinned.

_Little One.__ What troubles you?_

I hesitated, unsure of what to say.

_Mother, I experienced strange chemical patterns while we attacked the humans inside their craft._

_Oh?_ Mother asked, sounding curious._ What sort of patterns?_

_I…did not want to kill. It was strange._

There was a pause. _I see, Little One._

_Why did this happen to me? The sisters did not mind._

The Queen sighed, shifted herself slightly and gazed at me. _Little One, you are something new._

_So I am…different?_

She trilled softly in agreement. _Yes. You are different as I am different. You serve nothing._

_I am no Queen, Mother._

_I know, Little One. And this makes you a liability to the Hive._

_Why?_

She leaned close to me, very seriously, no amusement present in her approach. Her mindspeech lessened in volume, and I sensed it was for me to hear only.

_The others serve me unquestioningly, Little One. They do not think about my orders, or the Outside, or the hosts. They do as I tell them, as soon as I tell them. But you…I fear you may have conflicting desires._

I bristled. _The Hive is foremost in my mind, Mother,_ I informed her curtly.

_No, Little One, that is a lie. Because of your difference, YOU are foremost in your mind._

I started to argue, but her words held truth. Did that mean the others were limited? I was that different from them? Then another realization came to me: Did, perhaps, Mother not care for the others? Did she not care for the Hive? Only for herself?

No, no. That made no sense. Mother _was the Hive. And she cared for the others, she had birthed them!_

I was apprehensive, though. I knew that if a Praetorian did not molt and flee the Hive in time, it was killed. There could not be two free-thinking ones of the same Hive so close. 

_So…you will kill me?_ I asked, fearing.

_Never, Little One,_ she answered with a sigh, laying one of her smaller hands gently on my head,_ You are closer to me than any of children. I cannot cause your destruction without pain._

_Why, Mother?_

She removed her hand and grinned, revealing a secret. _It is called emotion, and sometimes it is very limiting. But other times it is wonderful._

I cocked my head in curiosity. _Will you explain?_

_It is the chemical pattern you spoke of. Here, you feel for your sisters, do you not?_

_I do not understand._

_If your siblings died at the hands of humans, how would you react?_

I thought, and I imagined the scene. _This, I said, and sent her the hormonal pattern I received. __I…would kill them, even if you did not order me to. I would rend the humans so they would feel pain, as much pain as possible. I paused, confused. _That is emotion?__

_One of many, Little One.___

_There is more?_ I asked, somewhat stunned.

She rumbled her laughter. _Yes. Much more._

There was a scream. Our conversation ended as Mother's thought of pleasure echoed throughout the Hive.

_Children, the younglings are coming!_

I grinned, inner mouth protruding in glee. Younglings! A new generation, new hope for our race!

I shot past Mother to the egg chamber. She roared playfully at me. 

_Be careful, Little One!_

There were sisters all over the egg chamber, on the ceiling, the walls and the floor. They moved slightly to make room for Mother, all of us touching, all of us waiting.

A human child screamed. I strained echo vision to watch it. The scream seemed to please Mother…but it felt quite different with me.

"MOMEEE!" the child shrieked. It inhaled sharply, eyes bulging, and then with its voice growing higher in pitch, "MOMEEEE!"

The youngling then burst through the struggling human in a blast of blood. Simultaneously, every sister opened their jaws, tasting the air that was now heavy with the scent of death. The child's corpse writhed, and then was very still. The youngling squealed, looked from side to side, and then went to Mother.

It was still coated in blood.

This…was wrong. Very wrong.

_What is wrong, Little Sister?_ One sister asked me, picking up my thoughts. _The younglings are here!_

I watched as another screaming human child exploded in shower of gore and blood, and a youngling screeched and slithered out.

It did not know it had killed. It didn't know it had killed a life that had thought and screamed and struggled. The fact upset me greatly, for some strange reason. I was confused; I should be overjoyed, like all of my sisters were. I shouldn't have this…emotion that told me that this wasn't right.

Then I saw the female that I had carried.

Of all of the humans, she screamed the loudest. She screamed for her mother, for her father, for death. She screamed until the youngling tore open her ribs with a sickening crack, a mist of blood with flecks of muscle tissue shooting out from the human girl, staining some sisters that were close.

I backed away, unable to watch, seeking some sort of comfort.

Killing was _wrong_. It was _wrong_.

Then why did Mother order it? Then why did Mother sanction it as something good?

I ran to the Outside, feeling the wind against my carapace and the cold night air.

After the birthing, I thought, I will ask Mother.

And I will tell her we must stop.

==

_Mother…_I whispered. She turned to me, busily secreting resin so the workers and drones could get her back up on the high wall of the Hive.

_Little One! I did not see you at the end of the birthing. Were you hungry?_

_No Mother. I was troubled._ I hesitated, and then said,_ It was another…emotion, I think._

_Oh?_

_I think…we should no longer kill. Killing… it is wrong, Mother. It is wrong._

She stared at me silently. And then she rumbled, as though she were amused.

_Stop killing? Stop killing, Little One? It is impossible! We kill to live!_

I was silent, listening, feeling crushed.

_Your battle was just new. You never had hosts that fought back before._ The way Mother simply tossed my cares away…it infuriated me.

_The humans wanted to live,_ I replied, trying to hold back my anger.

_And we killed them,_ she answered simply,_ Yes?_

_I…don't want to kill. _

There was a mixed feeling of confusion and…anger, from Mother when she spoke next. _What do you mean, Little One?_

_I do not want to kill,_ I repeated firmly,_ And I will not serve you if you kill._

_Little One,_ Mother said with an edge in her thought-voice,_ I care for you deeply, yet you _will_ follow my desires._

I could stand this no more. _You give birth to children, you teach me of the Outside, yet you find nothing wrong with stripping ones of their lives? I bellowed back._

_I do what I must to survive,_ she answered coldly,_ And so do you. What stains your tail, Little One? It is blood, the symbol of your chains to me. You need blood. And I can give it to you._

_I do not desire blood_, I lied.

Mother grinned, she knew every secret of mine as though it were her own. _That is a lie, Little One._

_I hate you._

For the longest time there was nothing but my utter hatred of the Queen filling me with each breath. As soon as I said the words, she flinched, as though she had been struck by some impossibly large creature. She stared, not believing.

…_What?_ She said finally, pretending that she had not heard correctly.

Something in those words had hurt her. I strove to make her hurt again, hurt for the pain I had caused. _I hate you, _I repeated, the vehemence still present in my tone.

I stared. Mother stared. I heard nothing but Mother's breathing, noticing how it was speeding up in her rage.

_You will take back your words,_ she said in a tone that was so furious I nearly fled. Instead I stood there, watching her rear up to her full height, watching her jaws open menacingly, watching her inner mouth jut out, dripping in saliva.

_I hate you, Mother. I hate you._

She roared and launched toward me so suddenly I leapt to the side. Her powerful claws swiped air. I bolted.

Mother screamed again in fury as I barreled down the tunnel of the Hive. I could hear sisters gathering behind me. Fear encouraged me to run faster.

Unfortunately, it is difficult to outrun danger that is everywhere.

Sisters roared, slashing at me with claw and tail. I still ran, leaving burning blood and bellows of pain in my wake.

I shot past the Great Ones, not before my tail was slightly lacerated by their iron claws, ignoring their frightening roars, and continued to run in the Outside until I could no longer hear Mother's roars of anger.

I stopped then, throwing myself to the ground, panting, desperately trying to gather myself together.

Suddenly all of the lacerations…all of the horrible pain…it flooded into me with such strength I screamed. I felt a malevolent presence in my mind, forcing my body to accept the pain twofold.

Mother.

I concentrated as well as I could through the agony and feebly ripped at my psychic link to her. It tore, only slightly, and the pain increased. I shredded at it again, feeling the pain surge through my mind and body like a chaotic sea of torture, feeling Mother snarl and roar, feeling…

Free.

My mind let out a soft sigh. Suddenly, where Mother had been, there was nothing.

Just me. Alone.

Relief…wonderful, peaceful relief flooded through me, past the pain, past my fear, past my exhaustion. Despite that I had been battered, banished from the place that had been my entire universe, and the realization that Mother would stop at nothing to find me, I felt no fear.

Because I had won.


End file.
